A SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATION

When the Mother sat by uncle Abhay’s death-bed holding his head on her lap, caressing it softly with extreme affection, Abhay kept his eyes fixed on his sister’s and said in an appealing voice, ‘Sister, they are all left behind; do have an eye on them ’ The Mother accepted that duty tacitly. Uncle Abhay’s wife Surabala was then in the family way and was living at her father’s house. She was born to misery; her mother died in her childhood and she was brought up by her mother’s mother and sister. Her grandmother died soon after Abhay. On arrival at Jayrambati, the Mother remembered Abhay’s request and had Surabala brought to her. A few days later, Surabala’s aunt too passed away. Unable to withstand so many bereavements in quick succession, Surabala’s mind lost its balance; and while still in that state of mental aberration, she gave birth on the 26th January, 1900, to a daughter, who was named Radharani, or in short, Radhu or Radhi. The Mother’s worry was great, for Surabala could not in her then state be trusted to take due care of the child. Fortunately, however, a woman named Kusumkumari came to Jayrambati next month with Swami Achalananda of Banaras. She willingly took upon herself the care of the child and stayed on at Jayrambati till the month of Jyeshtha (May-June).

It was circumstances that forced the Mother to choose Jayrambati as her chief place of residence, though it was not quite a happy choice. By divine dispensation her household worries went on multiplying all the time. We have used the phrase ‘divine dispensation’ with due deliberation — it is not a production of our imagination. With a view to making his incarnation a success, the Master had been forging around the Mother various fetters of love, the strongest of which was Radhu. After the Master’s passing away, the Mother’s mind found no solace anywhere. It kept on groping in a dark vacuum, as it were, and she prayed, ‘Why should I live any longer?’ Just then she had the vision of a girl of ten or twelve years of age, with a red cloth on her body, frolicking about in front of her. The Master pointed to the girl and said, ‘Let this be your main-stay. What a number of boys will now come to you! ’ With this he disappeared, and the girl too was nowhere to be seen. Long after that, the Mother was one day sitting in her brother’s house at Jayrambati.

Surabala was then unmistakably insane. She went in front holding under her arms some patched clothes which brushed the ground behind, and she was followed by her daughter Radhu at a distance, crawling and crying. The sight sent a dart of horror through the Mother’s mind, who thought, ‘Of a truth, who else will look after this child if I don’t? She has no father, and her mother is mad.’ She ran and lifted the child into her arms, and the Master immediately appeared to her to say, ‘This is that girl; hold on to her; this is yoga-maya. ’

This fact is borne out by the Mother’s own references to it at different times. Her fondness for Radhu gave rise to doubts in critical observers who often blurted out trenchant remarks. One devotee, for instance, asked, ‘Mother, why are you so fond of her? You are uttering “Radhi, Radhi” day and night like any worldling. And yet you pay no attention to the many devotees that come to you. Such attachment! Is this good?’ Such a question was nothing new to the Mother. She would answer modestly, ‘We are women, we are like that.’ But today she warmed up a little and said, ‘Where can you get a parallel to this? Would you find out a second one like me? The fact is, the mind of those who meditate on the Supreme Reality becomes very sharp and pure, and whatever it takes hold of, it clasps with some might. This appears as attachment.

When the lighting flashes, it is reflected on the sashes and not on the blinds.’ On another occasion she said, ‘See! They say that I am lost in thoughts of Radhu, that I am greatly attached to her. If that bit of attachment were not there, then this body would not have survived the passing away of the Master. Is it not for his work that he has preserved this body by involving me in the thoughts of Radhu? When my mind is detached from her, this body will perish too.’ And she said, ‘This constant thought of Radhi that I have, is only a delusion which I have accepted for making living possible for me.’ The meaning of such avowals is so palpably clear, that we need not mar their beauty by additional remarks.

Other reasons also might have contributed to the kind of background that was created for the unfoldment of the Mother’s life. As some devotees who aspired after material welfare were scared away by the Master’s cancer, thinking that it was useless to run after a man who had not himself transcended bodily shortcomings, so also God might have created round the Holy Mother an encrustation of apparent worldliness in order to keep away people who appreciate only exuberance of spirit but are blind to silent and hidden virtues. Furthermore, though the Master set an incomparable ideal for both monks and householders, yet the most valuable part of his life was spent outside family surroundings; and hence we lack here an abundance of examples of how a person, living in the midst of hundreds of daily worries, can yet rise higher through sheer force of will, character, and faith in God. The life of the Mother is woven with the warp and woof of various complicated domestic problems; and the events there are full of tears, troubles, and vexations, even from the worldly point of view. And yet she is not only always entirely above their degrading influence but her every movement is resplendent with a divine grace. This interfusion of divine and human elements makes the Mother’s life instructive and its appeal irresistible to men who tread the wonted paths of the work-a-day world, and inspiring and illuminating to others who are in search of a higher ideal. And in particular, her life is of special significance to women who spend their lives with their families in a more real sense than men do. We shall come across these facts over and over again. For the present we are having a passing look at them.

To have an inkling of the many obstacles through which the Mother’s love had to manifest itself, let us look at the conduct of her brothers. During the Mother’s stay elsewhere, her brothers, the ‘uncles’, pestered her for monetary help or troubled her about family dissensions. When reading their letters out to her, somebody might remark, ‘Give them plenty of money, Mother. Pray to the Master. Let them enjoy to their hearts’ content, so that their hankering may cease.’ To this she would reply, ‘Can their craving ever cease? Nothing will stop them — not even if they are given all and more than they ask for. Will worldly people ever be satisfied? There are only tales of woe at their place. It’s that Kele (Kali) who always cries for money. And following him, Prasanna too is now doing so. Varada never wants; he says, “Where can sister get money?” On another day she said about her exacting brothers with a shrug, ‘They are crying themselves hoarse for money only, my son! — “Give us money, give us money.” They never ask for knowledge and devotion even by accident. So let them have what they want.’ Needless to say that through the Mother’s grace they were having what they wanted.

From the above account the reader must not conclude that there was no finer element in the mental make-up of the uncles, or that they had no nobler aspiration. The great poet and dramatist Girishchandra Ghosh once commented that the uncles in their previous births had practiced terrible penances even to the point of sacrificing their own heads; and that was why they got the Mother of the Universe as their sister. And from different events we can conclude that they were to some extent conscious of her divinity, though it was so overlaid with worldly sentiments that it exerted no perceptible influence over their lives. In illustration of this, let us cite some examples, though they belong to a later period.

When the Mother was returning to Jayrambati after the worship of Durga in Girish Babu’s house in 1907, she sent direction to her brothers to post some people with light and other equipment to receive them across the Amodar. But when she went these with her companions, there was no one to receive her. As a result, they had to ford the river somehow and reach Jayrambati in the dark. At dinner time a devotee remarked, ‘Mother, have you noticed their lack of any sense of propriety? You were coming, but they did not send a single man to the riverside.’ At this the Mother asked uncle Prasanna, ‘I came here alone; why did you not send anyone to the riverside? These sons of mine came; but you didn’t send any man, nor did you yourself come.’ ‘Sister,’ replied uncle Prasanna, ‘I didn’t send anybody for fear of Kali, lest he should say, “He is going there to ingratiate himself into sister’s favour.” Do I not understand how high you are and what rare souls these devotees are? I know everything; but I am helpless. The Lord has not granted me that power this time. Kindly bless me that I may get you as my sister in every life just as I have you in this; I don’t want anything else.’ ‘Again in your house?’ the Mother cut him short with a shrug. ‘It’s enough you had it so this time. Rama said, “May I never again be born in Kausalya’s womb after my death.” Among you again! ’

Another day, uncle Prasanna argued with the Holy Mother, ‘ Sister, I heard it said that you appeared to some one in dream, gave him a mantra, and assured him also of his salvation. And you brought us up on your lap — should we be for ever what we are?’ The Mother said in reply, ‘It shall be as the Master will ordain. And mind you, how often Sri Krishna played with the cow-boys, frolicked with them, and shared the same food with them; yet did they know who Krishna was?’

Not that the Mother was always so indifferent; she was ready to help these dear brothers of her and put hopes in their hearts for this world as also the next. Uncle Prasanna asked her once, ‘Sister, we were born of the same womb; what shall be our lot?’ The Mother said encouragingly, ‘That’s true to be sure; what fear need you have?’

In addition to these able but inconsiderate brothers there were the foolish but helpless nieces. We shall see, as we proceed, that the Mother had to shoulder the burden of some of these. And to crown all, there was Surabala, better known among the devotees as the mad aunt. Her aberrations sometimes reached such a pitch, that the Mother was heard to say, ‘Maybe, I offered the bel leaves along with their thorns on Siva’s head; and hence there is this thorn by my side.’

So long as the Mother lived at Jayrambati, she had to undergo strenuous physical labour. Times there were when she boiled bushels of paddy all the livelong day; and on succeeding days she was constantly at the husking machine making rice. And along with these were cooking, drawing water, scouring utensils and such other routine works. She was as diligent as her mother, by whose side she was always to be found. At one time the Mother had to work in the family so hard that her legs got swollen and she remarked, pointing this to others, ‘Girish Babu was true when he said that these relatives had performed the severest of penances.’

Let us now turn back to the time of the Mother’s stay at Jayrambati in 1900. As it was usual with her in those days to spend some time at Kamarpukur, during her stay in her village home, she went there this time as well but fell ill. We have it on the authority of the maidservant Sagarer Ma, of whom we wrote earlier, that the Mother had an attack of diarrhoea accompanied by vomiting,- and that the maid nursed her during the illness. Noticing the woman cleansing everything with her hands the Mother asked, ‘Well, my dear, I don’t think you feel any repulsion!’ Sagarer Ma replied, ‘Why should I be cleansing with the hand if I should feel so?’ Information was sent to Jayrambati and Belur Math at the commencement of the attack. When the Mother came round a little, uncle Kali took her in a bullock-cart to Jayrambati. Two monks came from Belur Math after some three or four days, but the Mother declined to go to Calcutta. Pleased with the services of Sagarer Ma, the Holy Mother blessed her saying, ‘You will never be in want of food or cloth.’ And Sagarer Ma assured someone after recounting the incident, ‘To tell you the truth, sir, I have never been in difficulty about food and cloth. The Master manages it for me.’

During the time of which we are writing, the Mother spent a year and a quarter at Jayrambati, and then came to Calcutta in October, 1900, with her uncle Nilmadhav, the mad aunt, Radhu, and Bhanu-pisi, a woman acquaintance of the village of whom we have spoken earlier. In Calcutta, she lived for a year at 16-A Bosepara Lane, the Nivedita School having shifted from there to 17 Bosepara Lane.

Next year, Swami Vivekananda celebrated the annual worship of Durga at the Belur Math; and as he felt it imperative to have the Mother’s presence at the worship, she was prevailed upon to come to Belur with some women devotees and stay at the

garden house of Nilambar Babu for five days (18th to 22nd October, 1901). The worship was performed in the name of the Holy Mother; for Swami Vivekananda declared, ‘We are all penniless beggars; the worship can’t be in our names.’ The Mother’s attendant Brahmachari Krishnalal officiated as the priest under the direction of (tantradharaka) Ishwarchandra

Chakravarty, father of Swami Ramakrishnananda. Through the Holy Mother, Swami Vivekananda offered twenty-five rupees to the tantradharaka for his priestly offices.

One night a thief made his way into the kitchen of the Mother’s rented house in Calcutta by breaking the window on the narrow lane on which it looked. The mad aunt was in the habit of leaving her bed even while it was dark. As she approached the kitchen with a lamp in hand, she screamed and fainted at the sight of the man. Her consciousness returned through the effort of other inmates, but her brain became all the more deranged, so much so, that the Mother decided to leave with her for the village. Kusumkumari had taken charge of Radhu on the latter’s arrival at Calcutta. Yogin-Ma and others, therefore, argued that such a woman should be engaged for looking after the child even at Jayrambati, and the devotees would defray the expenses; the Mother could thus stay on after sending home Surabala with her daughter. The Mother heard all that, but said nothing then. But when she sat for japa in the evening, an agonizing scene floated before her mind’s eye which made her restless and made her reverse Yogin-Ma’s plan. She saw that the girl was being subjected to such untold suffering owing to the craziness of her mother, that there was grave risk to her life at any moment. The Mother was so overpowered at the thought that she left her seat hurriedly and, communicating everything to Yogjn-Ma, said definitely that it would not be possible for her to live in Calcutta separated from Radhu; for the good of the girl the Mother must be by her side at Jayrambati.

The Mother left for the village home with Surabala, Radhu, and Nilmadhav; but Bhanu-pisi stayed back for continuing her holy bath in the Ganges for some time more. The history of the next two years is a complete blank. But as we know that in those days the Mother usually went to Jayrambati before the Jagad-dhatri worship (November) and came back to Calcutta at the end of winter, we may guess that she might have done so during these two years also.

In the month of Magha (January-February), 1904, when the Mother came to Calcutta, she took up her residence at 2/1 Baghbazar Street, which Swami Saradananda had engaged for her. She lived here for about a year and a half. For bringing her to Calcutta this time Swamis Saradananda and Virajananda, and Yogin-Ma went to Jayrambati by way of Burdwan and the Mother came along with Nilmadhav, Bhanu-pisi, and others by the same route. In Calcutta, Swami Saradananda lived in the same rented house with the Mother for taking care of her. From this time onward, Mrs. Ole Bull began to help her with regular remittances.

In the meantime the number of Mother’s dependents had increased. Her uncle Nilmadhav, who had been a cook at the Paikpara Raj house, retired in old age on a small pension. But he was unmarried and had nobody to look after him Hence he spent his last few years under the Mother’s care. This was his second visit to Calcutta with her. The Mother took a personal interest in his comforts. If the devotees brought for her some good things—some untimely fruits —from the market she was sure to select the best among them for Nilmadhav. If any one protested, she explained, ‘Dear son, how long, after all, will uncle live? It is best to have his desires fulfilled now. As for us, we shall live pretty long to have many things to eat. ’ In words and deeds this natural love flowed not only towards Nilmadhav, but also towards everyone who came into contact with her, of which we shall get plenty of illustrations in future.

During this stay at the Baghbazar house, the Mother continued to be in close relation with the Nivedita School; and the workers of the School, too, tried to serve her in all possible ways. Their carriage was at her disposal for going to the Ganges for bathing, for visiting the zoological garden, the museum, the botanical garden, Kalighat, and other places of interest. She took these opportunities to walk a little to see if her legs could have some relief from the rheumatism which she had developed at Dakshineswar and which became her constant companion, so that she had to limp about.

During the Janmashtami (Krishna’s birthday in August) celebration1 the

Mother went on invitation to Kankurgachhi along with her nieces Lakshmi, Nalini, and Radhu, as also Golap-Ma. The Mother was highly pleased with the celebration; but it strained her endurance to the utmost when at the request of Swami Yogavinode, the head of the monastery, she had to sit silently with her body covered all over with a cotton sheet according to her habit to accept the salutations of the devotees, which continued till six o’clock in the evening. She spoke of her discomfort to Golap-Ma only after returning home.

While still at this house she went one night to see the performance of Vilvamangala at the request of Girish

Babu who himself played the role of the false spiritual aspirant. When that hypocrite told the woman Thakamani, that he would most assuredly teach her the love of Krishna, the Mother remarked with a derisive smile, ‘It may as well not be done at this age.’ And at the sight of the all-absorbing love of Vilvamangala she said, ‘Aha! Aha!’

At this time Gopaler Ma, the very old woman devotee of the Master, lived in a room at the Nivedita School premises. The Mother revered her like a mother-in-law and sent food for her from her own kitchen. In the closing days, the old lady was very little conscious of anything except her rosary, for which she became restless if it was not at hand.

She could not recognize anybody; but when the Mother came she said in a faint voice, ‘Who’s that? Is it you, daughter-in-law? Come.’

The Mother could not go to Jayrambati during the Jagad-dhatri worship (November) of 1904, because her household had become so big that moving about with all was an expensive affair. Moreover, she was improving in health and the devotees could not entertain the idea of her going to a malarious village just then. Nonetheless, the worship was so dear to her that she saw to the timely dispatch of all the necessary things with her brother Varada and a devotee; and she got over her anxiety only after they returned to assure her that everything had been done properly. Then at the end of November the proposal for her going to Puri took shape.

The Bengal Nagpur Railway had by this time been completed. The Mother travelled in a reserved second-class compartment with Nilmadhv, the mad aunt, Golap-Ma, Sister Lakshmi, Radhu, Master Mahashaya’s wife, Chunilal Babu’s wife, and Kusumkumari. Swami Premananda and two devotees got into an inter class compartment. The train reached Puri in the morning, and the Mother with her relatives and women companions took residence in Kshetrabasir Math of the Boses, while Swami Premananda and others went to their second house near the sea called Shashi-niketana. The Mother’s first duty at Puri was to go to the Jagannatha temple to have a look at the Lord. On subsequent days it was her daily task to visit the temple with others early morning and evening. One day there was arranged at her residence a Katha by a temple priest, which consisted in relating the story and glory of Jagannatha from the ancient books. On this occasion about fifty temple priests were sumptuously fed. The Holy Mother and others used to obtain on payment the consecrated food from the temple for their daily meals; the feast for the priests also was arranged similarly.

At Puri the Mother had a boil on her foot which gave her intense pain, and yet she did not allow it to be operated on. One day at the temple, somebody’s foot touched the boil, thereby causing excruciating pain to her. When Swami Premananda heard of this, he came the next day with a young doctor ostensibly to pay their obeisance to the Mother. She, as was her habit on such occasions, sat covering herself completely with a cotton sheet. The doctor now brought out his knife and, in the act of saluting by touching the feet, opened the boil and then begged her pardon saying, ‘Mother, please don’t be offended.’ This unexpected move irritated the Mother a little at first. But when through proper dressing the pain subsided and the wound healed up in a trice, she heartily blessed her sons despite their dare-devilry.

A few days after this, the Mother wanted to bring her mother and a brother to Puri to give them an opportunity to see the Lord. A devotee was accordingly sent to Jayrambati. This had to be done without the mad aunt’s knowledge, for she was too envious to brook anybody’s sharing the Mother’s affection or money which were to be monopolized by or kept in reserve for herself and her daughter. The devotee went via Vishnupur by train, the railway line on that side having been constructed a little earlier, and communicated the Mother’s invitation to grandmother and uncle Kali who alone were expected to come. But at the news of the pilgrimage the number swelled till a big party1 consisting of the grandmother, uncle Kali with his father-in-law, wife, and two sons, and a villager named Sitaram started by way of Garbeta. No sooner did they step into the Kshetrabasir Math than Surabala got into a frenzy, and went on castigating the Mother with all kinds of gestures and postures and doggerel verses.

It is an immemorial tradition at Puri that no caste distinction is observed so far as the prasada of Jagannatha is concerned, so much so, that prasada put into one’s mouth by even a man of the lowest caste, at the Anandabazar within the temple precincts, may not be refused.

The Mother showed her respect for this hoary custom by putting the prasada into the mouths of the devotees and asking them to put it into hers. While this merry ceremony was going on, Master Mahashaya and uncle Varada came there by chance from Calcutta, and they too joined in it.

All those who came from Jayrambati, except the grandmother, left again in December. The Mother continued there for some time more. Her foot was now cured of the boil, the rheumatism too, was not acute, and the body was healthy. Therefore she moved about happily visiting the sacred places such as the kitchen of Jagannatha, Gundicha Bari, Lakshmi-jala, Narendra , Sarovara, Govardhan Math, etc. She also circumambulated the Jagannatha temple and bathed twice in the sea. As her mind was cheerful at this time, she spoke of many anecdotes of the Master’s life and of the Dakshineswar days. After spending some time thus in the salubrious, joyous, and holy atmosphere of Puri, she returned at the end of January to Calcutta where she stayed in the old rented house on the Baghbazar Street from where the grandmother left for home a little later.

1. This is how Sagarer Ma puts it in her simple way. In reality it was a case of cholera as we learn from the Belur Math Diary, which further records that Swami

Trigunatitananda went to Jayrambati and that another monk went there in October to bring her back to Calcutta. She was present at the Belur Math on the 24th January, 1901, at the birthday anniversary of the Master.

1. There is an annual celebration at the place in commemoration of the interment of the holy ashes of the Master there on that day.

1. According to one authority all the sisters-in-law of the Mother went with the party.