God-realization and Divine grace

Year 1917

I went to see the Holy Mother in the evening. I had been residing at our Baghbazar house at that time and I visited her almost every day. Finding her alone I narrated to her a dream and said, “ Mother, one night I saw Sri Ramakrishna in a dream. You had been living then at Jayrambati. I saluted him and asked, ‘ Where is the Mother ? ’ He said, ‘ Follow that lane and you will find a thatched cottage. She is seated in the front porch.’ ” The Holy Mother was on her bed. With great enthusiasm she sat up and said, “You are quite right. Your dream is true.” “ Is it, then, true ? ” I said in surprise. “ I had the idea that your home at Jayrambati is a brick building.

But in the dream I saw the earthen floor, thatched roof, etc., and therefore concluded that it was all illusory.”

In the course of conversation regarding austerity for the realization of God, she said, “ Golap-Ma and Yogin-Ma devoted a great deal of their time to meditation and the repetition of God’s name. Yogin-Ma practiced the greatest austerities. At one time she lived only on milk and fruits. Even now she spends much of her time in spiritual practices. The mind of Golap-Ma is hardly affected by external things. She does not even hesitate to eat cooked vegetables purchased from the market, which a Brahmin widow would never touch.”

It was arranged to have devotional songs on the Goddess Kali sung that evening at the house of the Holy Mother. The monks of the Belur Math would take part in it. The music commenced at half-past eight in the evening. Many of the women devotees sat on the veranda to hear the music. I was rubbing oil on the Mother’s feet and could hear the songs from the room. I had heard them many a time before. But that day those songs, coming from the mouths of the devotees, had a novel charm. They were full of power and thrill. My eyes became moist. They were singing now and then those songs which Sri Ramakrishna had himself sung. At such times the Holy Mother would cry out with enthusiasm, “ Yes, Sri Ramakrishna would sing this song! ” They commenced the song whose first line runs thus : “ The bee of my mind has become fascinated with the blue lotus of the Divine Mother’s feet! ” The Holy Mother could not lie down any more. A few tear drops trickled down her cheeks. She said, “ Come, darling. Let us go to the veranda.” After the singing was over, I saluted the Mother and returned home.

22nd July, 1918

It was half past seven in the evening when I arrived at the house of the Holy Mother. Only two months back she had returned from her village home, emaciated by a protracted attack of malaria. She greeted me with her usual smile and said, “It is a very warm day. Take a little rest and refresh yourself. What about your sister ? Has she reached home ? ”

Devotee: Yes, Mother. I started after she had reached home.

Mother’. Take this fan for Radhu, and rub this medicated oil on my back. There are heat-blisters all over my body.

As I started rubbing the oil, the bell rang for evening worship. The Holy Mother sat on her bed and saluted God with folded hands. Other devotees went to the shrine room to witness the worship.